Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
