I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you will always have a special place in my vag
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
