We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
