I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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