You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
