as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
