Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
