just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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