Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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