I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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