you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
