My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
