i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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