I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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