I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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