That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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