captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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