I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
