he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
