somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
