when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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