the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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