i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
