Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
