I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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