I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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