At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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