It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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