Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
