White coat. Heels.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
