you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just pee around me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
