Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
