You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
