My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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