We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Someone shit on the floor
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
