I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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