well you can't waste a boner
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
