And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
