those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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