I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
