I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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