At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
