she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
