Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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