Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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