I am spending my child support on dildos
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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