well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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