please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
