Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
