I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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