his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
