i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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