I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
