You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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